unloading it all.

im sitting here and both boys are asleep. i should be doing house work. but DH is at work all day (8am-10pm) so i thought i'd take the chance to unload it all while i can.

Sunday we had my nan's 90th birthday. which mid-way though we had 4 ambos at my mum and dads. nan had a turn and ended up (lowered) on the floor. her blood pressure dropped and she passed out. she stopped (or it couldn't be felt) breathing and her paulse was un able to to be found. scary, scary times. makes me realise she wont always be there. she's a wonderful women. she's made it though cancer and a marraige brake down. she's still going. she's a women i admire and respect more then words can explain.

i respect her more then my own mother. my nan has faced alot more crap in her life then my mother (that i know of) and is still a good women. my mother on the other hand takes it out on the world. and mainly me. you see i am never good enough. or what i do is always picked on, pulled apart and then smooshed back together how it suits her. i cannot say a thing right. and i am *always* wrong or doing something wrong. but with nan. she allows me to make mistakes but never judges me. she just watchs and will offer advice when asked. i wish my mother could take a page out of her book in that regard. she wasnt a bad mum. just she was going though alot when i was too. and sadly didnt take her own advice of "its not about you its about the kids" when i needed her.