still here.
had a second S&S today. not much has changed. i went 11 days over with DJ.

i have an U/S tomorrow to check fluid and plasenter. then CTG in the arvo. which will be fun. thursday is an OB appt to go over the results and talk about the induction. really not keen on the last part. i'm GBS+ so braking my waters makes me feel a little uneasy but i'll do what i can. i hope they put the gel in and its enough to get me "going" if it comes to that.

Feeling good within myself though. although i will admit its getting hard to get in and out of the car now. and my shirts all ride up. but it's something im willing to smile about. i know that its not "forever" i look forward to the labour as strange as that sounds. the pain...its not a bad pain if i make much sense. its a working pain, the kind that feels in its own warped way good. the way i laboured with DJ was...just...the most out of control but the most control i think i've ever been. knowing that the normal thoughts where really outta whack the sub thoughts where all i needed. i sound strange typing it out. mmm...but its hard to explain. people ask after birth "did it hurt" and i can't help but say "yep, it did. but not in a bad kind of way. it was a working pain that bought DJ into the world and it was worth it"

now i just need to get bundy to do what i want IE DROP and POP and things will be swimming. not easy but they'll work out. some how.

i can't wait to find out if we'll have a little Carlton or a Little Krystal in our arms. thats the part im looking forward too most. (if it is a girl...it'll be a shock as every one thinks boy LOL)

still here. still up the duff. still...two people at once.

i'm not "over it" as such. but i am dying to meet this new little person who is growing inside of me. i'm also dying to crack my back and drink a can of Jimmy that i got for my 21st. Ohh and also being able to put on shoes and see my feet, and not worry about the bottem end (or rather bundys top end) getting cold. yes even my maternity shirts have waved the white flag and have run north for the winter. fun.

we've been doing things to get this little one out - DTD, RLT (i think im peeing RLT now too BTW) walking, fit-ball bouncing heck even dancing. but this little one seems rather happy to be on the inside. which i admit i do like the kicks.

We also have an "end date" for all this too. friday. that'll put me bang on 42 weeks. the last of the 'normal' over dueness. that is ofcorse after having a CTG (or at least one) and an u/s to check on everything. FUN! speaking of the u.s, i called thismoring at 9am to make the appt. this is how it went
Lady (l) : hows 2pm
Me: Umm i have a CTG at 2pm. do you have a time before that please?
L: Hrmm. 11am ok?
Me: Yep that sounds good
L: I really hope you go before then it stuffs up my day......and yours too i guess.
Me: yeah, something like that.

WTF? come on. like i PLANNED to go over. just becuase im putting my feet (where ever they may be!) down and saying no to induction until 42 weeks as i feel its best for myself AND my baby no need to get snippy. but the MW who i talked to thismoring also was snippy but she was busy - seeing as all i wanted was a S&S. which i have to call back soon about to see if they can 'fit me in' at some point today. if not i'll ask for tomorrow as i *really* would like to 'go' before having to be induced.

i havent seen or talked to my folks since thursday and im fairly angry about this. no effort from them. yes i could pick up the phone but they're my MUM AND DAD they should be checking up on me. i'm the one whoes OVER FRIGGIN' DUE!?! what will it take? im temped (ohh soooo very tempted) not to tell them when i go into hospital. and let them call my inlaws to find out. but thats cruel and i'd be the "bad guy" again. i have how ever today realised it may be due to me not "following" my mothers path and having a tromatic first labour/birth. i listen to my inner voice and most of all i educate myself on things. i dread to tell her i'll be going the full 14 days 'over' and making sure the induction goes well - even if it means a little up hill battle on my behalf. i also think that she's got issues with me as an adult. she has no control over me, unlike my sister.

OOO speaking of my sister i caught up with her last night. after DH, DJ and I went and towed her friends car out of a bog...in the middle of suburbia! haha DH took three goes to get it out. first try was when they snapped a rope. second i called a stop - as it looked like it was getting more bigged and third time i yelled at all the guys standing around to help push while DH pulled (with the car) and the driver had it in reverse. and it worked. which was good. but i felt like the mother hen telling the boys what to do!

so now i wait for DH to come home so i can call the MW's about the S&S and see what happens. as he's at bunnings returning a MIG welder he bought yesterday - due to it always killing a fuse! heres hoping he eather gets his $$$ back OR a new one that works!

yay! rain. i like rain.
its meant to be like this all weekend. so its bad as i'll be stuck indoors but good seeing as well...it means DH will also be suck inside!

according to my theory i should infact go into labour this weekend. you see before i had DJ Mr President Obarma was swarn in to office (even though he had to re-take the oth due to the dumb guy doing the swearing in) and then DJ came into this world on the hottest day on record. so two massive things. then we have this week. Mr Rudd was over thrown as our PM - and our first "female prime minster" was sworn in. (and i have been doing alot of swearing about that myself) and this weekend is meant to be heavy rain all weekend. so if my theory is right (pfft like it is) bundy will come into this world this weekend....so i hope. as i'm currently sitting on 5 days 'post due' which while im enjoying it. im longing to find out if bundy is a boy or a girl (once again DH thinks yes, they are due to me trying to send a "girl" card to a cousin who had a BOY on monday) and just to start the whole family of four thing. well.. tectonically 6 as we consider our cats to be part of our family.

but we'll wait and see (what else can one do?) i have a midwife appt tomorrow to book in an induction - which i'll be telling them (nicely) will be done Sunday week (which will put me bang on 42 weeks) and NO earlier - unless they can tell me something is not 'right' IE my plasenter isn't working fully. they can kindly bugger off!

speaking of birth i keep thinking about how lucky i was/am to have had the birth i did with DJ. considering the labour (all up) was 31 hours i did well. with only Gas after 24. i was lucky that i had found BB to open my mind (and that of DHs and any one else who'd listen) to birth and the normality of it. none of this 12 hour crap. none of this "labour pains are not regular until...." or "after so meany hours its best to do ...." i read all i could from BB the birth storys the ones that where good bad and ugly. ones that left women impowered others that left them not so sure. strange as it sounds - i found the spirt of birth with in each and every one. they where all (and still are) such strong women to have birthed their babies, be it via the normal exit tunnel or via the French doors. they did it. and i for one am honored that they'd share it with me (and the world). i also found birth to be a deeply spiritual experance. i may have said it before but i have never felt so close to that fine line between this world and the next. to think that my body became the crack 'between the worlds' is a powerful thing. i can remember thinking about a wise women (spirit) in the room guiding my body though each contraction. showing my baby their way into this world. protecting both of us from harm and allowing the curton between this world and the next to be opened just enough to allow DJ into the world. i'm longing to have that happen again.

If this baby - bundy is a boy they'll have two middles names (as i do and DJ also). one is Victor the other Bruce so their full name will be Carlton Victor Bruce A____. the reson for two middle names is that they're both very important to me. my late grandfather - Victor was the only grand father i knew. a tall strong man who taught my father (who then tought me) that its not about where a person is comming from its where they're going. their history may not be a nicest but they very well could be. a lesson i want DJ (and bundy) to also understand and learn. Bruce was my late uncle. my fathers youngest brother who was taken from this world by cancer. he was a smoker so although not unexpected still makes it hard. he was also the nicest person and possably the cleanest michanic that i've ever known. he was a wonderful man who always had time for myself and my sister. he was also the "cool" uncle in the fact he drank and was rather funny - he showed up to my cousins wedding with out a tie. so what did he do? use the loo paper! needless to say my aunt (dads sister) was not impressed by this (but myself and my sister where, have you ever tried to tie loo paper as a tie??) and the Carlton well thats just a name DH likes. he named DJ (well out of the 4 names he has 1 of which being our surname DH picked two. DJ carries my maiden name as my father never had a son todo so. dispite the fact i was more tomboy then girly girl.

so hopefully this weekend bundy will come out. i think DH is miffed after the MW told us last week she thinks 8 and a half pounds worth of baby is going to come out of my vagina. hes worried that it wont happen. i'm worried it'll happen too fast and i'll end up birthing at home or worse...IN THE CAR hahah. not really. this bubba i think will be 8lb2oz. but we have another MW appt tomorrow.

come on bundy. time to come out...please? before i eat the entire stock of Choc-ripple biccies...

alright lets start with the Hmmph! first.
I'm still carrying around bundy. FUN. yes, i knew i'd go over. yes its only 4days but with the other girls in my BellyBuddies group on BB popping left right and center i feel a little hmmph'd about it! i want my Newborn snuggles (then ask me 6 weeks post birth and i'll be asking to stick them back inside!) i know it'll be hard. the last three nights have been with DJ thanks to a second molar comming on up (bottom gum) and the wind that comes with it (my god his farts put his dads to shame!) but i also want to crack my back something cronic. i did that after having DJ and my GOD did it feel good. i'm looking forward to the labour and birth though. im not 'worried' about it. i LOVED giving birth with DJ. a true "orgasmic" birth. one that i walked away feeling so impowered by, i felt i'd done my body proud and then some. im hoping this time is the same. but i also know i'll miss the rolls and kicks. catch 22 isnt it?

now onto the political vet.
Gillard. she is now our PM. yay. NOT. i'm fairly crappy about it. sure Mr Rudd wasn't doing too well. but she stuck a knife in his back after only what two weeks ago saying she'd not try and take his roll? mmm bitchy much? if she had taken the party THOUGH and election then maybe i'd have some respect for the women. i found it hard to swollow that our first female PM has taken the lead roll in this way. she could not HOLD OUT until after the next election before the challange? what more is she had to do it at what 8:30PM last night? thats a little low also in my mind. i'm already tired of the fanfair. if she'd WON the election then i'd be cheering just as hard. im not really good with parties and all that jazz but as far as i can see she's taken the bull by the testicals and claiming its for the best. she is comming across like she's going to be told what to do by the Unions. i'm not sure how i feel about the mining tax that was proposed. the adds didn't make it very clear. but thats not the point. yes, Mr Rudd stuffed up. he's only human after all. but her? she's gone and stabbed the poor guy in the back. she's been underhanded about this. if it was any.other.person. (man or women) from the party i'd still be shitty. they couldn't let the man finish his term as PM. and Mr swan. well...he's just a dirty as she is. he was ment to be a support which clearly he failed - epicly - at. was he not the one to come up with the tax? or at least support it for HIS BUDGET? arg. maybe i'm out of line but COME ON. what they BOTH did was a Dog act. not something that people should be happy about. i'm also worried now Mr Abbot will win the next election. not good for us women. bloody church and state should be kept seperate! arg.

now...all i need is bad weather and it'll make it two for two.
Dj was born not long after Mr Obarma was sworn in and head honcho for the USA, then black saterday is DJ's birthday. so could it be first *cringe* female PM and bad weather this weekend for bundys entrance??

so this puts me at 40+2. Yay.

If i could go any greener i'd blend in with grass!

a cousin of mine had her baby yesterday...ON HER EDD! gah. not fair. even a day over and i'd have been happy LOL.
Although not a bad effort. 7lb10oz and thats all i know other then name LOL. my father called me with the "news" last night the converation went something like this:

Me: ello
dad: yooou got beaten to the punch
me: Eh? waa? mmm..
dad: B had her baby today. a boy
me: WOOOT I WAS RIGHT *yells at DH I WAS RIGHT*
me: sorry..tell me the rest
dad: Steven Alexander 7lb10oz
me: size? whoes he look like?
dad: i dunno your mum knows but she's eating dinner.
me: mmk, well i better go PIL are here.
dad: ok, if anything happens call bye!

so i was left feeling a weee bit green eye'd about it! now to wait for bundy to arrive...i know i'll miss the belly, but at the same time i'm ready to have two babies under two. and well...the sooner the better...its scary how fast time has flown...

there goes my EDD.

sounded cool eh?


what did i do on my "due date"?

staied up til 2am with DJ teething. fun. went to bed. woke up every time i rolled over and fed a cat at 6am. up and at it for the day just be for 9am. fun times.
DH sets up computer/stero/recording EQ that is attached to the computer ready and waiting for conveting records (yep, we have vinal in this house) to MP3 or something digital at least. we then headed to the shops and i found i was grumpy by this stage as was DJ but i needed OUT of the house before my mind exited my body (hrm, maybe came back would be closer to the point) which was fun. until some stupid git in Kmart backed into me (yep, 40wks up the duff and I am ment to some how move when i dont know she is moving) and gave ME a dirty look. lets just say she's lucky i wasn't feeling vocal! as the words along the line of "stupid twat your in the MATERNITY clothes section and dont BLOODY LOOK before you step out?!? DO YOU WANT ME TO GO INTO LABOUR?!!?" rather i look that would have made her a puff of smoke made do. didn't end up buying anything eather. sad knowing bundy baby may be my last baby :( but we'll see...maybe in a few years DH will be able to be talked around...i hope! then we has the hords of teenagers who dont seem to understand basic foot trafic rules.
give way to: prams, preggos and anything with wheels.
i almost ran over one while pushing DJ in his pram - she could have moved sideways - i had a wall. but nope, took her almost hitting MY PRAM to do so. clearly never delt with a women carrying a HUMAN (who a Midwife guessed would be around 8 and a half pound 0_0 ) on a sunday, with BIG BLACK bags under her eyes.but it could have been a sight to see her shaped as apretzal after i'd finished. but DH made me "keep waddling"

tonights dinner for me was chips with BBQ sauce. DH got lasarnia i'd frozen. the poor man will be living off snags, hambugers,veggie soup and lasarnia after this bub is born. but they're all things he can defrost and cook LOL. i've got three roasts frozen but i'll cook them - they're easy and it'll "make" DH have some time with BOTH the kiddletts (DJ and Bundy) at some point. as only *now* he's understanding how 'hard' it can be : read putting the stereo together and having DJ trying to stand up useing ones back - then falling backwards and getting upset. (this ended when i tried to put DJ off to sleep) which is always fun!

tomorrow marks the first day of "over due"ness. fun. then i can have fun with any door to door sales people (damn it its winter and they dont come out to play) or any one else who annoies me *evil laugh* it also means that the RLT intake will be going up (rather the one uber mug it'll be 2 or three - each mug with two RLT bags in it!...and a shit load of sugar!) i'm thinking this bub will come out around the 27th of june. 7days over not too bad.

Ohh and the MW appt. i had yesterday i met a midwife i didn't "gel" with. mainly becuase im fairly laid back and have ohh ya know educated myself on birth, my rights and whats 'normal' and the 'alertatives' to most. something i dont think she's used to in a "young mum" but hey. i told her nicely (well DH said i was rather monotone about it so it made it hard to 'read' ) "my body my birth my baby my choice" and left it at that. after the MW appt before that (soo not last weekend the one before) haveing the MW tell me an OB told a women at 40+3 her baby could "die" as she was over made my blood boil. a healthy women not much older then i am. i hope i dont see that OB. their ears would be bleeding by the time i'd finished with them.

other then that i've nested some more. dragged DH out on friday to the supermarket for a "big shop" which was good. and now all we need to keep on top of is the milk (i drank almost 3 lt on my own on friday!) and DJ's tinned food (oh the joys of teething) as he wont eat much when he's grizzly and if i go into labour i know he'll eat it (he's a skinny kid who i worry about! not sure why his dad is a bean poll also!)

now to finish this RLT and go to bed...mind you i'm hoping i get some cramps or something...i've been bugging DH on and off all day "has my belly dropped AT ALL" haha...the poor bugger gets to deal with that from here on in.

i'm sitting here bouncing away on my fit ball. and my hormones are going nuts.

but what else is new for a women whoes "due to give birth at any moment" not much i can assume.

the reason i say over flow is because DH and I have finaly talked about BIL and SIL. DH went over his to his folks place (PIL) to talk to them about it - along with other things - but he can tell them how offended i really am by them. they dont like me and i know it. they've never tried to hide it in any way shape or form. they came to DJ's 1st birthday. but pulled out of my 21st (which i was happy about) yet come easter (a week or so later) they give DJ and easter bunny. they never got me a card for my 21st. now i'm sorry but if you want to play games they've picked the wrong mumma. they can't have a relationship with my son - with out having one with me. or DH for that matter. but they dont seem to get that. until that point i'd never said "no" but now i am. no they wont be seeing us outside of things like christmas - and that for PIL not us. NO i wont be nice if they come to the hospital. and NO i will not be playing games. they've offended me deeply. i know we dont get along with *every one* but we should respect every one (yes, even K Dudd the twat) but they cant even give me that. the olive branch is dead. the whole fucking tree is dead. they've pushed me too far - and even DH said that takes a heck of alot of pushing before i snap back which is fine by me, they've made this bed they can lay in it. i did all i could to try and have some kind of civil relationship with thease people and they turned and walked. and now the fall out. SIL will cry and claim "we did nothing wrong" BIL will try and play the baby also crying fowl. PIL will try and talk DH and I into "sorting it out" but thats too hard to do now at this point. i'm burnt out and i'm now thinking about MY family. MY dh, my DJ, MY bundy and myself. thease people need to understand that they cant have one (dj) with out the others (Me & DH) but maybe now PIL will see that. maybe even open their eyes up to the games that these two have plaied.

i cleaned out some clothes also over the last few days. and that triggered off a whole range of feelings. knowing i'm not going to be a size 12 ever again. that alot of clothes for people my age wont suit me any more. knowing i'll be a mummy that needs to dress a little "older" then i am in order to have nice looking clothes. and deal with my mothers frumpy ones she buys for me from time to time (nice of her...but really not good when she buys everything in a size 22-24 when im a size 16-18 :( ) but she has her own issues with me. but DH has been good and understands that i'll need time post-birth to sort out the sorted out clothes. so that i can have clothes that fit/look nice but are still "young" 'cus right now i feel really friggin' old.

the other thing thats come to a head is my fear that this next bubba will have a rough start like DJ did. i feel for DH because if they do i'll be doing the same thing as i did with DJ and fighting black and blue for them - even if its another SCN stay - i'll be there every day. but we'll cross that bridge if we come to it. never stops the fear though.

i think once this is all over and i re-read this *type* of post i'll wonder why i was thinking half of this. but its better out then in right??

i love my PIL most of the time.

but right now they're really bugging me.
they're older. FIL is 72 and MIL 69. thats all well and good.

FIL has a datsun 120y that i will call the "bomb" from here on in. its road worthy but its a "tired" car. he is the second owner of the car. DH is 31 and the car has been 'in the family' longer then that. the car has had its fair share of work done to do (rear ended twice and a bonet thats been dodgedly re-spraied by FIL. now FIL wants to "clean the car up" to keep it looking good. but at his age its not that easy. DH gave him *his* datbat (looks 110% better then FILs!) so that this bomb would be able to be taken off the road and cleaned up - rust fixed, respray pannles and just get it running right. that good. DH has been off work for 6 weeks. and FIL picked last weekend (just been) to start this work. meaning DH has been there working on the car. in that time FIL has put the rear end back on twice - once because he wanted to reverse the car (into his gararge) and once because it was "in the way" :o how that helps DH do the work (so taking the back end OFF three times :wall: ) i will never know. DH is over it. he wants the car gone and so do i. but FIL is the kind of man who wont.let.go of things. it annoies me (selfish i know) that DH is there working on this car when he could be at home - helping me and doings stuff HE wants to do around the house. but he is helping FIL out instead. i also think that FIL has no real clue about the latter stages of being UTD - let alone running after a bub.

and that brings me to MIL. she's a lovely caring women. always pottering about. helping out when she can. minus thease two times. the first one was my 21st - her and FIL went away and came back the day of my 21st. only to tell me they'd be "late" (it started at 7pm they got there near-er to 8pm) for what reason i dont know! they where home by 2pm :wall: and now this time. um EDD is sunday. MIL and FIL where meant to be taking DJ while i'm in labour. as a) they're closer then my folks and b) i trust them more. but oh, no she's taking off on a holiday (saterday through to tuesday) with a friend of hers. :o why? i dont know. i told her not long after we hit 20 weeks that we'd like for them to have DJ. then about two maybe three weeks ago she tells us "ohh im going away for a few days with my friend ____" o-k MIL. what do i say to that? i just smiled and told her to have fun that 'd likely go over. but thats not the point. im annoied (selfish i know) that she's happy to go away around my EDD - so that means i have to worry about who'll have DJ - she may miss the first few days of a NEW grandchilds life and i also just want to say to her that i'm NOT happy she's going away. why couldn't she have made it for 3 weeks time? part of me thinks its because she's all funny about DH and I haveing two babies in two years (she didn't tell her sisters until i was 25 weeks along and her brother until i was 30 and people who live next door to her until last weekend?!?!) so im just grumpy that she may not be here when i need her. and DH and I both agree we can't leave DJ with FIL - he can't handle him on his own. and my folks can't eather. not since dad had his knew knee put in!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG its bloody annoying.

time for a good ol' grump.

I'm grumpy becuase im due next week. im grumpy because FIL has decided he wants to do up his old bomb of a car. its a good car, but the body in its giving up the ghost and he cant quite grasp that. DH is over there fixing it because FIL is getting older now (72) and its catching up with him. so DH is bogging, sanding,shaping and then at some point re-spraying the ass end of the car. yay. NOT. he says he'll be home by 1pm but i doubt it. FIL will find something *else* wrong with the car and ask for help. which DH will - and i understand its his father and all, but it ticks me off becuase if i say NO STAY HOME then i'm the bad guy. FIL has three cars. TWO datbats. and a commondoor. and the common door has TWO FRIGGIN HORNS ON IT. why? i have no idea. one doesn't even friggin work. maybe it makes FIL feel big as his driving has seen much, much better days. he's the type who'll BRAKE at a green like JIC it goes amber. eather inicates far, far too early - while travling so far below the speed limit a copper could WALK UP and fine him. never mind pulling him over. *hmmph*

i'm grumpy becuase after 3 weeks of fairly bad sleep its caught up with me. but DH still has the balls to tell me he's "really stuffed" after a FULL NIGHTS sleep and getting up at 7am. mmm noice. or how "sick" he is. yet tells me he feels bad for not doing enough. YET when DJ is up and about in the morning will only "get up" when i'm just about to - as in blankets off. mmm why not just DO IT BEFORE THAT POINT? which is a little annoing at times.

i know it'll get harder with two babies. but hey. maybe then DH will understand something. its not easy, but its worth it!

the waiting has started.
yep.
almost 39 weeks. people are now commenting on my size. like compleat strangers. but i dont mind seeing as im so "close" to my EDD.

although being so close to it also brings up its own lovely set of thoughts. well rather questions. mainly stemming from the birth i had with DJ - which for all intensive perspicuous was an "orgasmic" birth as i felt that it went perfectly for a first birth. the only intervention i had was the jap to get the plasenter out. every thing else went as it was ment to. its the post birth that makes me wonder if i should change anything. somethings will have to change - given DJ is earth side. but others i'm wondering if i should leave as they where.

the main one being seeing my BIL and SIL. we didn't last time. when DJ was birthed it was feb 7th. i had not heard/seen my BIL since Dec.25. in which time they'd talked to me once. the sentance consisted of "so do you know what you're having?" that was it. after DJ was born part of me expected to get a card from them - ya know the simple $1 card with "dear Dansta & DH congrats - BIL and SIL" but nope. no such thing. maybe i expected too much. but how is it that an uncle of DH's whome i'd met ONCE sends a card down - along with a cousin from south Australia, yet BIL and SIL who live litrallary around two corners can't even mange to send one via MIL? we also didnt text them to let them know about DJ's birth - DH and I wanted our folks to be able to boast about being grand parentals before any one else knew. BIL and SIL seemed offended by this - but i didn't text my sister eather. she happend to be home when i called my dad to tell him about his grand son. the only thing i *did* do was say i didn't want to see them at the hospital - for fear of offending them by breast feeding - knowing full well my boobie would be out and about for all to see and i didn't care. SIL on the other hand can get offended veeeeery easily by this type of thing. or maybe thats just me lol.

so this time do i just assume they won't show? if they do my boobie will be out and about i dont care who sees it (i'm making a sign up for next to the fount door also "Breast feeding most likely in progress, boobies out = happy baby. dont like it? tough titties" or something like that) but i also dont want to start another fight (as they've made out DH and I are the bad people dispite THEM being the bad ones) but i cannot afford to waste my engery on them any more. i offered olive branch after olive branch to them. each one thrown away. they came to DJ's first birthday. but my 21st wasn't good enough. i can't honestly be bothered with them any longer. but i also dont want to deny DJ or bundy the chance to get to know them.

but it's also a case of you cant miss what you dont know. i never knew one of my grandfathers - he walked out on my nan. i never realised i'd had until some one bought him up - about 2 years before he passed away. when it was bought up - my mother did offer to meet him. but i said no. i saw no point in seeing the man who'd hurt my nanna so.

but in the mean time i'll start to consentrait more on relaxing and opening my body up - once more - in order to birth this baby. and focus on that.

...and the fact MIL has offered to shout DH and I dinner - on our own - this weekend...