tick tick tick

the waiting has started.
yep.
almost 39 weeks. people are now commenting on my size. like compleat strangers. but i dont mind seeing as im so "close" to my EDD.

although being so close to it also brings up its own lovely set of thoughts. well rather questions. mainly stemming from the birth i had with DJ - which for all intensive perspicuous was an "orgasmic" birth as i felt that it went perfectly for a first birth. the only intervention i had was the jap to get the plasenter out. every thing else went as it was ment to. its the post birth that makes me wonder if i should change anything. somethings will have to change - given DJ is earth side. but others i'm wondering if i should leave as they where.

the main one being seeing my BIL and SIL. we didn't last time. when DJ was birthed it was feb 7th. i had not heard/seen my BIL since Dec.25. in which time they'd talked to me once. the sentance consisted of "so do you know what you're having?" that was it. after DJ was born part of me expected to get a card from them - ya know the simple $1 card with "dear Dansta & DH congrats - BIL and SIL" but nope. no such thing. maybe i expected too much. but how is it that an uncle of DH's whome i'd met ONCE sends a card down - along with a cousin from south Australia, yet BIL and SIL who live litrallary around two corners can't even mange to send one via MIL? we also didnt text them to let them know about DJ's birth - DH and I wanted our folks to be able to boast about being grand parentals before any one else knew. BIL and SIL seemed offended by this - but i didn't text my sister eather. she happend to be home when i called my dad to tell him about his grand son. the only thing i *did* do was say i didn't want to see them at the hospital - for fear of offending them by breast feeding - knowing full well my boobie would be out and about for all to see and i didn't care. SIL on the other hand can get offended veeeeery easily by this type of thing. or maybe thats just me lol.

so this time do i just assume they won't show? if they do my boobie will be out and about i dont care who sees it (i'm making a sign up for next to the fount door also "Breast feeding most likely in progress, boobies out = happy baby. dont like it? tough titties" or something like that) but i also dont want to start another fight (as they've made out DH and I are the bad people dispite THEM being the bad ones) but i cannot afford to waste my engery on them any more. i offered olive branch after olive branch to them. each one thrown away. they came to DJ's first birthday. but my 21st wasn't good enough. i can't honestly be bothered with them any longer. but i also dont want to deny DJ or bundy the chance to get to know them.

but it's also a case of you cant miss what you dont know. i never knew one of my grandfathers - he walked out on my nan. i never realised i'd had until some one bought him up - about 2 years before he passed away. when it was bought up - my mother did offer to meet him. but i said no. i saw no point in seeing the man who'd hurt my nanna so.

but in the mean time i'll start to consentrait more on relaxing and opening my body up - once more - in order to birth this baby. and focus on that.

...and the fact MIL has offered to shout DH and I dinner - on our own - this weekend...