hormonal over flow

i'm sitting here bouncing away on my fit ball. and my hormones are going nuts.

but what else is new for a women whoes "due to give birth at any moment" not much i can assume.

the reason i say over flow is because DH and I have finaly talked about BIL and SIL. DH went over his to his folks place (PIL) to talk to them about it - along with other things - but he can tell them how offended i really am by them. they dont like me and i know it. they've never tried to hide it in any way shape or form. they came to DJ's 1st birthday. but pulled out of my 21st (which i was happy about) yet come easter (a week or so later) they give DJ and easter bunny. they never got me a card for my 21st. now i'm sorry but if you want to play games they've picked the wrong mumma. they can't have a relationship with my son - with out having one with me. or DH for that matter. but they dont seem to get that. until that point i'd never said "no" but now i am. no they wont be seeing us outside of things like christmas - and that for PIL not us. NO i wont be nice if they come to the hospital. and NO i will not be playing games. they've offended me deeply. i know we dont get along with *every one* but we should respect every one (yes, even K Dudd the twat) but they cant even give me that. the olive branch is dead. the whole fucking tree is dead. they've pushed me too far - and even DH said that takes a heck of alot of pushing before i snap back which is fine by me, they've made this bed they can lay in it. i did all i could to try and have some kind of civil relationship with thease people and they turned and walked. and now the fall out. SIL will cry and claim "we did nothing wrong" BIL will try and play the baby also crying fowl. PIL will try and talk DH and I into "sorting it out" but thats too hard to do now at this point. i'm burnt out and i'm now thinking about MY family. MY dh, my DJ, MY bundy and myself. thease people need to understand that they cant have one (dj) with out the others (Me & DH) but maybe now PIL will see that. maybe even open their eyes up to the games that these two have plaied.

i cleaned out some clothes also over the last few days. and that triggered off a whole range of feelings. knowing i'm not going to be a size 12 ever again. that alot of clothes for people my age wont suit me any more. knowing i'll be a mummy that needs to dress a little "older" then i am in order to have nice looking clothes. and deal with my mothers frumpy ones she buys for me from time to time (nice of her...but really not good when she buys everything in a size 22-24 when im a size 16-18 :( ) but she has her own issues with me. but DH has been good and understands that i'll need time post-birth to sort out the sorted out clothes. so that i can have clothes that fit/look nice but are still "young" 'cus right now i feel really friggin' old.

the other thing thats come to a head is my fear that this next bubba will have a rough start like DJ did. i feel for DH because if they do i'll be doing the same thing as i did with DJ and fighting black and blue for them - even if its another SCN stay - i'll be there every day. but we'll cross that bridge if we come to it. never stops the fear though.

i think once this is all over and i re-read this *type* of post i'll wonder why i was thinking half of this. but its better out then in right??