well at least it is today.
despite having a mound of dishes to do. but i do how ever have a load of washing in the dyer - as it'll take 3 days for the clothes to dry other wise as its cold and rather damp feeling here at the moment and DH needs clean clothes to wear to work - which he'll be working again tomorrow!

i've been thinking about bundy and DJ. the "issues" that came to light after DJ's birth mainly. within 'our' (mine and DH's) families. some easy to spot EG BIL and SIL. others not so much - mainly the ones surrounding my mother.

BIL and SIL have always has an issue with me. mainly SIL. fair enough her and BIL where together ten years before they got married. i understand the whole "threatend by another women" type mantra that she goes by - its not just me but ANY female that talks to BIL she's funny with. unless she is friends with them then its FINE. we each have our own issues to deal with. but her way of dealing with it was underhanded and rather bitchy. meaning when i dared to stay over at DH's house (he was renting his brothers as he didnt feel 'ready' to move out full time at that point) she got narky. she stormed out of the house becuase it was "her night" to stay over. a 26 year old women cracking a toddler tanty over me staying over. wonderful. not. but it didnt end there ohh no. that. that was in fact the start of the 'end' 5am the next morning DH finds a note, a WHOLE A4 sized bit of paper explaining that they (SIL & BIL) wanted to be told the day before (if not two) that i'd be staying over. the whole note was basicly me being told that i could not stay over (dispite DH paying rent to live there - they came and went as they pleased.) which started a ball rolling - BIL faced up but DH hushed me which was the best thing - as i could have torn strips off BIL - i almost broke my coffee cup with my bare hands. when i got to tafe that day i was in a foul mood and some jerk of a guy thought it'd be a good day to put his dirty dishes in my skink and try and walk off to which he was nicely (ok i was a bitch) told "theres' the f**kin' sink, theres a f**kin' plug plus some f**kin' soap. use it" the tafe teacher thought it was funny as this guy always got away with doing that crap.
when we told BIL and SIL about DJ - they made no comment. not congrats nothing. christmas that year i was ignored the only thing said to me "is it a boy or a girl?" as they walked out the door. at that point i made it clear to MIL and FIL that they would not be welcomed at the hospital after the birth. they utterly ignored me - why should i be nice to them when the birth of my child is about me, DH and dj. they didnt see him until he was almost 7 wks old. then not again until he was over 6 months. they went and 'healed' some of the wounds by giving DJ a nice toy for christmas, we invited them to his first birthday and the showed up - which was good. but my 21st they didnt for what ever reson. so some wounds remain open. DH is adiment at this point they wont be invited to much else unless its to do with MIL or FIL. they've burnt me once to often too and i can no longer keep up the olive brantch, its their turn.

with my mother...well thats a whole other thing. she's never had "control" over me. i was a "wild child" and free willed. something she didnt seem to understand. as a teenager i was my own person. dressing how i wanted, i was friends with boys. had a boyfriend (alrite a few!) i delt with alot of things on my own. bullying, depression, self harm. alone. when i started dateing DH she didnt hide her dislike for the fact he was 10 years older then me. never mind he was helping me though alot of stuff that she'll never know about becuase as per normal itd would some how become about her. when i told her we where expecting DJ she was good - after a while. fair enough though it was a huge shock to us. but after that. when i got bigger she made comments like "ohh you'll be a whale come summer" and my strech marks are very large and she always, always commented on them "they're HUGE you'll never get rid of them" just what every very pregnant women wants to hear. when i went over due she sat there telling me how i WOULD end up with an Epi and on my back pushing out DJ. when i told her i didn't agree that i would give birth squatting, on or fours or a combo of both she promptly told me "just go dig a hole outside, it'd be the same thing" 0_0 and the comments on the sex of dj - as we didnt find out she would *always* rub my belly and say "hello my grand Daughter" dispite my protests that it was a boy i was carrying she didnt want to know. then after i birthed DJ we had to walk the road of SCN, Failure to thrive and toung tie. i ran inside myself to deal with all of this. she never picked up the phone to see how i was copeing. when the failure to thrive happend i tired to talk to her, vent to her about what had happend - as it did my head in. she told me that they (the doctors) knew what they where doing and DJ was fighting change. that sleeping DJ on his back was best. yet she was NOT the one who walked in to him chokeing on his own vomit that night - becuase they slept him on his back he couldnt get the vomit out thus choked. she didnt care that i was getting really depressed. and fighting with all i had to keep our DJ going. she failed to see that i was walking a line that she'd never walked. and when her and my dad wanted DJ to see a pead about his drinking. she added shit onto a "list" the pead read out to us. when we confrounted her about it. she went quiet. with in 10mins she'd made it about HER and HER feelings of being pushed away. when she'd done nothing to try and change that. i shut down. and now with bundy on their way she's started telling me how i HAVE to do things. like a chest of draws for DJ move the waight set out side. get a new single bed. all of this i know. but its a little hard to do all of that when we're waiting on ONE roller door so our car port/garage is safe and weather proof enough to put it out there! not to menton DH was working 6 days aweek at the last job he had and it was a 7:30am - 5pm type job and weekends was 7:30am-2pm. which meant alot of things couldnt get done and i also needed help with DJ.

becuase of thease issues DH and I are thinking about moving by the time Dj is 5. out to the contry some place. with some land. so we can live a little more 'free' i guess. plus we also want an out from dealing with our familys always 'telling us' how things oaut to be done. becuase they say so. never mind what we have to deal with. which is always fun and games playing the democratic card - when i dont even know how to use it.

hopefully the next lot of blog posts will be more up beat! considering DH had told me i can go out and buy new - warm- baby clothes for bundy. maybe after that shopping trip i'll be able to post all about that! hehe...only nine weeks togo! 0_0