the reality is sinking in

the reality of what is comming in regards to DJ is slowly sinking in. tomorrow it all 'starts' as DH and I will be taking him for a blood test. i'm not sure how they'll get him to relax. he's a wiggle worm at the best of times. so i fear and to a point know that i'll be the one 'holding him down' for it. i guess that part comes with the "mummy" tag. DH will be with me. but that wont make it easier. mainly me knowing it'll brake DH's heart if DJ gets up set (which im assumeing he will at being restrained) it will brake my heart but i've learned with vic to just shut it all off and down. let it affect me later.

so for the time being this blog may become my 'safe space' as i know one of us - out of DH and I needs to remain strong and composed. and that will be me. mummy has to be the strong one. the one who takes each blow better then the last and fights the hardest and the longest.

now to find solice in knowing that thease up comming tests mean things will improve for DJ and hopefully lead him to a happy life.