when the mind starts to tick over...

in the middle of the night...it means it wasnt a fun night. i was soo friggin' restless it wasnt funny. mainly due to my mind not shutting down as i'd have liked it to. plus we had one muss cat who thought it'd be a wonderful idea to sleep on my sholder and a DH who stole my "bump" pillow in the middle of it all!

my mind didnt shut down because i didnt stop thinking. about what? bundy. and the whole "life with two under two" thing. sure heaps of people do it. i'm nothing special for doing it. its more the fall out with my mother i'm dreading. i fear that if bundy is a girl, well DJ will be forgotten. or atleast ignored. add to that cousins of mine are expecting twin girls - the compairing will start. something i dont want. if bundy is a boy - and is differant to DJ - EG walking at 12 months i'll have to deal with "see this is normal" from my mother. not something i want. there is also talk - now - of "ohh you'll go on time or early with this one" as my "body knows what its doing" yet, if i point out the complex side of birth - the hormones and alike well im laughed at. mainly due to my mothers lack of understanding towards the 'other side' of birth. she also struggled to understand the concept of labouring with out being put on ones back - and pushing how ever the hell i wanted. when i bought that one up - she made a very, very nasty remark about it. due to her own ignorance and experince. the latter of which is almost the polar oppsest to mine. she was 32 when she had my sister and smoking. she was induced due to the likely hood of developing pre-e. so had an epi and alike. she was 34 when she had me and i came "really quick, so i couldn't have an epi" in her words, not mine. so her understanding of a full natural labour with out some one telling you when to push - the first time around was a strange idea. one that i can happily say i busted out of the water. she had no idea i laboured for 31 hours. let alone pushed for an hour and 20. this time i expect the same will happen. i think i'll go 12 days over again. mainly becuase that way i dont have the pressure of the whole "D-Day" thing on myself if i know i'll go over there is no stress. thats why when people ask my EDD i tell them - end of june start of july. when the thing is - the latest i'll be able to go over into july is the 5th. but hey, it'd be nice if bundy did come on time then i could have an EOFYS baby! the upside is all my bags are packed, its strange seeing the little baby clothes. makes me think about when DJ was that little. mmm he's a cutie, always will be. hopefully bundy baby has dark hair like their dad. i know it'd make DH feel good to have more "say" in the look of the child lol. poor DH. at least DJ got the "good bits" from him like nice wavy hair, a matabilsum of...a thin-man-that-can-eat-his-weight-in-food and his lovely long eye lashes.

but hopefully it wont come to that. hopefully my mother has learned after the last "fall out" that she has no say over my children, she is the grand mother after all. maybe she's worked out her place. OR she's semi let go of it with dad home after his knee replacement. who knows.

now...i better go wash the dishes...and i may even mop the floor...