how to shake that feeling

of wanting another.

SOL birthed a baby boy last night. i'm glad the entrance into this world was a safe and smooth one. may the sun shine on his back, now and always.

but feelings of wanting another will not leave. i know that now is not the right time. that its too soon. with all thats happening with DJ. but that part of me is just...wanting a baby. another i honstly feel will "compleat" our family.

to the point i have told DH that in the new house we cant remove the shower curton in the 2nd bath room until we know 110% we will not have another. as my labour may well be as quick, if not quicker then Vics and i need a place to birth. i know that its all "out there" and full of what if's and "but i want"s but i cant help it. i need to get it out. i want to tell DH we are having another but to say that when he swings between "maybe" and "NO" is hard. its hard to explain the feeling. i feel like i can manage 3. maybe not 3 under three, but i can do it.

hopefully this year i'll spend some more time working on 'me' as such. both the phyical and the spiritual sides of me. something i haven't done in a while. hopefully the teary i just had listening to "the song" for DJ will help that along. i know a baby isn't 'right' for us right now...but...this part of me...just...wont let go. gah. i wish i could swich off that part of my brain for a few years. -.-