ranty Mc Rant pants

All right. its rant time.

I'm annoied.
annoied at some people on facebook. a dear friend of mine put up some *lovely* photos of her breast feeding her daughter (vics age) and her FAMILY told her to "put it away" or "take it down".
FUCK.OFF. kthxbai
no. really FUCK OFF. its her face book. its HER SPACE dont like it? stop fuckin' looking you stupid ass wiped old woman and sexualy driven young prick. yes. its a BOOB being used as intended. so get the fuck over it.

i'm also annoied at the universe it seems that DJ's "normal" for fits is up to 6 in 9 hours. yes. 6. with drugs. FUCK. its hard. seeing as im worried if we attempt a play group and i'm running after vic he'll have one and scare the shit out of some one. as him going a shade of gray, drooling and clicking would scare the shit out of any one. but me, DH and some other people who've seen it. yes. i know i'll have to deal with that. but right now its just FUCKED.
i feel shit for Vic as he gets minimal interaction with kidletts his age. why? 'cus of DJ and my fear of fits. plus me trying to run around both of them, honstly sucks dick. but i gotta do it. right? some how i will. FUCK.

Also the idea of not having any more babies kicked me in the guts two nights ago. i cried. in the woodshed. just cried. i know it sounds so utterly fucked after the last paragraph but i cant help it. i dont feel 'done' i want another. but DH has made the call. by about 80% the last of that will come after the genetic conunceling and we find out if its a freak thing or it could happen again. but i still want another baby. *head - fucking - desk* which hurts. I'm getting an IDU put in, in september. Joy. so that means at least 5 years of *hmmph* or i might just get the fuck over it. who knows (i say this as vic howls at the gate) but right now i want nother baby. i want to feel that rush of seeing those two lines. the first scan. the first movements the massove kicks, the big belly to rub. the labour pains, that bloody god damn'd "ring of fire" the first sight of the baby all goo'd up. the sleepless nights, the first's but sadly. i wont. as much as i want it i cant fucking have it.

...and the idea of a puppy..well...yes. not the same but we're looking. well i am. DH just has to agree LOL. I guess I also feel like I want a puppy so I have a compainion when things go boom. Like the other night. Dh couldnt understand how I wad so upset about no more babies. He didn't think I should be upset over it. But it was more I should be happy with what we have. Which I am. But I guess that I am but I still feel like im missing something. That hopefully will be mended by getting a pup. I know it sounds so horrid, and I guess selfishly shellow. But its all I can think of for now ya know? Plus I also want a...compainion who I can talk to and not worry about it being taken the wrong way. Iknow I have dh but sometimes he dosent want to hear whats weighing on my mind and I dont wanna post it here as its just too much ya know? Plus with dj it might help him too, as in a claming thing for us all. Im thinking about a foxie or a jackrussle...ive seen three forsale and I am soo tempted to call and see if they're still for sale...but...yeah...soo tempted. I'll talk to dh about it...wonder what he'll say...

Now i better go change the kids, dress them and go into town and do the shopping...who knows. maybe the fresh air will clear my head.

FUck i want a baby :(