well...that was...good

Vic's birthday went well. choc-ripple cake every where. made the day a blast.

every one showed up. even if DH did fight with D's mum about Mr old man next door comming - DH asked him behind her back. Oh well. they got along and we had a good time!

made me sad though. that my son is no longer a "baby" but near-er to toddler. my last baby. no more. end. bub-bye baby stage. i know i've been banging on about it but..i cant help it. maybe if i tell my self enough times it'll be REAL that i wont go though it again. i wont get to feel those first movements, those MASSIVE kicks. the sleepless nights. the labour the screaming baby...maybe i want it as BOTH my boys have been hospital babies i'll call them. i didn't take them home when i went. i didnt get that bonding time in hospital with them. i guess i want that part to go "right"
selfish i know. but maybe thats it.

Dj has been good over the weekend. no fits. seems to have settled into his new meds really well. which is a massive plus. i know i feel a little more 'at ease' about the whole thing - but im still dreading the next round of fits. as they sadly will happen.

with in me i've been flat.
well cranky.
you see bloody a/f wont fucking show up. i had two 21-on-the-dot-day cycles. now i'm upto week 4. BLAG and no i'm not UTD...i've tested once a freaking week. man she's an evil witch when she's wants to be. right? i want to start the mini pill so i can have some kind of "normaility" or at least half an idea when she'll rock up. as this isn't cutting the mustard with me. at all. stupid body. FAIL much?

now i just gotta pull my happy socks back up, un tie the knot in my knickers and get on with it. and hope a/f shows her self soon. then maybe we can talk, work it out and arrange a time of the month for her to arrive so save myself from going freaking batty!