a year ago

i was sitting in SCN with vic, in his open "plastic bucket" dealing with a second time around trip in there. i was missing DJ, feeling VERY freaking sore (hello 9lb6.5oz baby coming OUT of my vagina at much too fast a rate) and trying to express into a little cup for vic.

6 months ago DH and I had bought our slice of hevean and where excitedly telling people about the up comming move and 'starting' to find out what was 'wrong' with DJ.

3 months ago we moved, having faced two massive seasures from DJ, one trip to ICU and the fucking move that was more fucked then...a something that gets fucked all the time.

and now. now i sit here.

The mummy to an Angelman child. the mummy to a "normal" child. a human who seems to attracted the rougher roads to walk. a woman whoes body failed. yep there i said it. Angelman is a maternal copy issue...FAIL. Vic was born 'sick'...again FAIL for my body. seeing a pattern here? good. 'cus i fucking well cant.
I wish my body would fail me. and not my kids.

I saw a GP wednesday. she booked me in with a gyno for september. to have the IUD put in thank christ for that. but until then take the mini pill. which is fine. she was shocked at the locoms comment about me birthing DJ at 19 being "too young" she was also shocked she commented on the age gap between me and DH. the cow she was (PMS any one?)
i've also been chucked on the 'wait list' for counceling too. so thats about 2-3 weeks away.

its taken me almost a week to post as DJ thought it'd be a smashing idea to have 9 seasures in just over 12 hours. i got to the point of "i cant do this at home" as the fits seems to be getting closer and closer together - with more sleep between them. id given all the drugs i could give. so 000 was called and DH went with DJ in the ambulance and i followed half an hour later with vic for a "changeing of gards" as DH is working so my folks drove from melb to look after vic. he had one more fit over night and that was it. so now he's on the max dose of keppra for his age/weight and the minum for his age/weight of eppilum who ever thought BRIGHT RED for that drug was nuts. its hard to get out of clothes! oh well. better that then i fit - right?

this weekend we have vic's first birthday. its scary as all fuck my baby is 1. and near to walking.

now i better go make this choc-ripple cake for him as it needs 24hrs to set ect!