Those who mind dont matter

And those who dont mind matter.

Dunno why but that phrase springs tomind.
Down the shops; at coles in town a stupid old batt commented on dj having two dummies. I smiled and said 'yep, its his thing.' No issue but the look of discust he had dummies was not a vailed one. Pitty I felt like being a cow ay? With ik n ear shot I commented to the lovely check out chick it shits me when people judge my son. Being disabled is one th ik ng but to be looked down on is pathetic, those who feel the need to do it. Stupid old bag. Only person in 4 months todo it and I wasnt ganna be nice.


Its been 6months and one day since the first fit. The fit that made my heart drop into my knees and cracked part of my soul. Its been 6 months of massive change. In three weeks it'll be 6months since the second fit, the icu trip, where part of my soul almost died.
Both of those fits had me on my knees. Litterly and metophoricly too. My mind begging a higher power to save my son, that his time on earth was not yet done. Pleading with dj to just breath, to not leave mummy and daddy, that I wwas not strong enough to say good bye. Screaming at my mother to 'shut the fuck up it may never be alright' in the early hours of the morning though tears that left me unable to breath. That left me hollow. Watching the sun rise, looking into the lightening sky and hearing 'lucy in the sky with dimonds' as a friend had passed away the same day as the night dj had his fit that empty feeling of a world shaken, rattled and rolled. Of a mother trying to find strength that I wasnt sure existed at that point. Im still looking for it.

And now I sit here as dj naps, vic crawls around, 300 odd km's away from where it happend, where the road took a turn that I never saw on this map of life. A hidden back road that is only dimmly lit, that I know i'll stumble and fall as I walk it. But each time i'll get back,up and dust myself off and keep walking into the darkness that is angelman syndro,e I will fight with every ounce of my being for dj. I wil learn to serive each fit, each hurdle. Each day.

one foot in front of the other. One foot at a time.