one step forward, fall flat on your face

No, vic is not walking; yet.

Thinking about things. With dj we go one step forward then when we try to bring the otherfoot up we slip.

Its always been the way though. We thought his relux was under control at 6months only for it to come back with vengance. We thought he was just delayed, but its soo much more than that. Sometimes we think his sleep is getting better only to have two or three sleepless nights and we're back where we started. And its not easy, its fucking hard. I love dj with all my heart and soul but its hard. Most mothers would just tell me to let him cry it out, but the danger in that would be that he could hyperventilate and thus have a fit. Plus I dont like that idea; at all. Drug him up, is another but again we risk a fit.

Dj is not a normal child. His sleeping sucks. But his smile, well thats a whole new ball game.

I do not begruge him for it, nor blame him or even I for it. I just deal with itt. I deal with the 'looks' from strangers, hell even family. But I live with that each day.

In other news d 'put me to work' when I went over to talk to him about some....drama happening in his life at the moment. I got to use an electric wood splitter that a snail could out run (but has a 4tonne crush-er-thingy on it) followed by unloading (or helping) unload the tray of d's ute only to pack it again. Ohh and I throw like a girl too. Which I knew. But I got a brake from the boys (sleep is clearly not a priority at the moment) and help sort d's head out...but he did drop off more wood, which will cost us almond bread. Or what ever cake I bake and he grazes on. I told him hes a thrid child. He asked where to leave the washing!

Dh is now looking for a job, which is good and bad. Good he will have $$ comming in. bad i'll be on my own more. Hopefully with more of a constant rythem i'll get back on track of house work and start to work the garden out too. Ohh and also save some $$$ for a new chook shed. The current one is shitted on and like every other fucking post the people before us laid, its fucking cock-eye'd or bowed! I think some one was drunk putting them in. but I think chris working will be good way to meet more locals too. More so for him as i'm happy with d, flo, ken and bob. In time i'd like to meet other familes. But explaining djs....predicerment well...is not easy. Nor easy to understand eather.

This week ahead I have my inlaws comming again. Dh seems to think they are a little more...understanding now. But im still raw N told dh I will need a brake from them...next time i'll be ok. But this time nope.

I guess I should also put it out there that we wont be having any more babies. Dh has said no. so here I sit trying hard to deal with it. While I fully understand why, my uterus beggs to differ. Ive told dh that i'll be getting more animals to settle my cluckyness down. I may look into native animal rescuce or alike so I can have 'babies' even if not human ones.

So this weekend means alot of planning...fun and games it will be...i wonder if I can get a lamb or other fluffy baby....