ashes to ashes

dust to dust.
a burn box is a must.

Today, hopefully we'll have our bonfire. to most people out here its a 'normal' thing. to us its like WHOLEY SHIT BATMAN WE CAN BURN STUFF...AND ITS LEAGAL"

to me its also a little bit of "thank god i can burn this shit and fuck it off out of my life" as i have a not so nice past. that well parts of this will be printed (and added to) and burned. for that final "fuck you" to it.

i'm 22. i've finished having babies. yes, DH has made the call. but its "all over red rover" for me and my uterus which honstly? sucks. yes there i said it. i'm pissed off.
i thought DH and I would have three babies. but with DJ and his Angelman thats been made a reduntent idea. much like my uterus. the idea of dealing with a rough start i am some what used to. the idea of being in hospital for two weeks. seems a bit "meh" but i'd deal. i can deal at home. yes while DH is home i struggle as both the boys are fighting sleep (thus i am blogging and DH and taken them fro a drive) but with him home its worse. as they can be in a 'good mood' until such time as i choose to ninja my way out of the room to do some from of cleaning/tidying/putting away then we have two banchees. well one. the other follows as a brotherly thing. DH never sees the latter. thus thinks its "easy"

I'm pissed off at my inlaws. they where comming wednesday/thursday but NO they're FUCKING COMMING MOTHERS FUCKING DAY. yes MY FUCKING DAY. MINE. my birthday fell in the middle of the move. so mothers day was MINE. but now. now i dont even get that. i have to be all fucking nice and friendly. cook and clean for two people who have crossed that many lines with me its not even funny. but its DH mum and dad, so i will bite my toung until i have a mouth full of blood. then spit it whilest their backs are turned.

im angry at myself. im sitting on 85kg. i want to be 10kg lighter. yes im stil "over weight" i have been for a long time. i want it GONE. and my strechies too.

now...to finish this and print. then BURN. time to start a fresh. now...where to find that smudge stick...i'll need it for next week...