Sleeping like a baby

Who ever penned that idea was a fool.

I started to blog in the wee hours of sunday. But kinda stopped as dj had one of 6 fits all up in my arms. A trip to the hospital with one ambo who made me feel dumb for calling later and we have another drug to give dependant on the type and length of fit.

Sunday night I cried until I couldnt breath. I was so angry that my baby boy has to suffer through the fits. Angry I cant fucking stop them angry life took my baby bella. And just pissed off. I wished dh was there to hold me when I fell apart. I wanted and needed some one but history repeats and I couldn't call any friends. I was alone. Me, my thoughts, my escape. I didn't cut as much as I craved it. As much as I yerned to feel something I didn't. I just cried. Poor vic didn't know which way to go. But I felt kinda healed after it. Alone but healed.

my folks came up yesterday and went home today. I missed them, I felt better seeing them. We also baught a dog. A boy we've called tigger. I wish we'd called him rex...ya know the whole 'sick 'em rex' from the ants pants add? But hes a stag hound cross (we guess grayhound or whippit) but his eyes are so I guess soft. He was ok with djs flapping and vics crying. Hes an RSPCA dog. Hes 5ish months old and in need of some nut house lovin'. We pick him up monday. Good in a way as we need to fence the house yard off and buy bowls/ collar/ bedding and toys. He looks willing to train too which helps as I hate badly trained dogs. My bol's dogs are poorly trained. Would not trust them at all. But i'd not leave tigger with the boys eather.

D is getting a female pup it seems already up the duff he suspects. He picks his up tomorrow. So i'll be puppied out.

I grew up with dogs so to have my own means alot. I've told dh i'll be walking tigger on his own for a few days then try him on the lead with the pram. I see tigger as my baby. Seeing as I wont have anymore human ones. Im crazy right though. Two under three, one cat, one dog, 5 chooks....with more to come!<